In a world where conflict forces many to flee their countries for safety, those who open their doors to strangers deserve our unwavering support and understanding. Their actions are a beacon of hope in a world of turmoil, and we must stand by them.
Unless we address the subject through those who have experienced it, it is impossible to understand the situation's complexity fully. This understanding is crucial when it comes to pairing completely different cultures, one indeed altered by the trauma of war. So, I talked to a lady whom I deeply admire. Her courage and resilience in the face of challenges are truly inspiring. She has fostered two distinct groups of refugees, and when she did it, I learned that the best of intentions do not necessarily overcome the unexpected. This is her story.
"What made us do it? We have been very blessed in life - our children have now left home, and we have spare bedrooms and plenty of space. There have been times when I, as a young person, was welcomed into a home to stay, and others have welcomed our children when they've moved somewhere.
"Without a doubt, it was challenging, especially sharing our fridge! We were asked by the first family in a pre-arrival Zoom meeting, 'What are your house rules?’ One likes to think you don't have strict rules, but you realise the rules are unwritten. There are things that my husband and I would see as normal behaviour, but other people might not, especially if coming from a different culture.
"Our first family liked to start cooking at 9.30 pm so that we would go to bed with all sorts of frying aromas. We had to set a deadline for cooking. We quickly realised we ate very different foods at different times of day, so eating and preparing food separately worked well. I know this has been different from other local friends hosting families.
"That first family included a mum, her son and her father. We had assumed the adults would get work, but the grandpa had been injured at the start of the war and had no English. He couldn't get work here, and she has only found work since moving out. So they were around during the day a lot more than we'd anticipated which was harder for us.
"Very different parenting styles were challenging - and we had to constantly remind ourselves our role was to provide a safe home, not tell them how to live their lives. We struggled because they weren't interested in visiting our lovely county much. Public transport is good; one couple had a car but preferred staying at home."
"We learnt that a sense of humour is important and remembering what really matters in life. They might have left your kitchen in a bit of a mess, but they have lost their homes! Good boundaries - and talking openly about what's not working rather than getting cross inside."
"We are glad we did it. We ended up with a much better understanding of the situation in Ukraine and what these displaced families are dealing with. Ukrainians, especially, get a good deal here on the 'Homes for Ukraine' scheme, but we still have to remember they are displaced and out of their comfort zone. We've also had help in the garden and help painting. What's not to like about that?
"We now love to go and visit our families from time to time in their new homes, have a drink and enjoy catching up. We have a real bond with the families who lived with us and are happy they've been able to settle independently now. It's good to know we helped them through a tough time.
"We will do it again, but not just yet. We're enjoying some peace and space in our home, but we'll offer our home again one day.”
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